06-Mar-2016 More Memories and Emotions

It’s only been 4 months and it can be so difficult to know what to write and to know what to think or do.

The emotions are all over the place. Some days are better than others while others are just god awful with a dreadful feeling in the pit of the stomach and the realisation hitting you hard – I will never speak to or see my lovely Jimmy ever again. He’s gone… just gone. And then I feel angry ‘cos it should never have happened and then I feel sorry for myself and then feel guilty about that because I’m still here and Jimmy isn’t! He didn’t want to go. He often said that in some ways he was the lucky one (!) ‘cos he wouldn’t have to deal with afterwards so it would be worse for me.

I’ve been spending a lot of time looking through our thousands (and I mean thousands) of photographs so I can put together an ‘album’ on CD for Jimmy’s son Lyndon and everything just everything has a memory which then carries an emotion. I wouldn’t want to not look at photographs of Jimmy though… in fact I have printed off quite a few and they are dotted around the house so he’s always with me and I can ‘talk with him’.

I’m trying to create some normality to my new life but when your whole world is turned upside down and inside out it’s hard. For years you have a way of life with your wife/husband/partner. You do certain things together, you have ways of talking to each other, there’s a routine of togetherness, a purpose because you’re there for each other, a reason for being. So here I am alone for the first time in my life and so all of that ‘normality’ is gone and trying to find or create a new ‘normality’ is not easy.

But, dreadful as the saying is, life does go on and I just have to get on with it. As you know I do get out and about I have been trying new things that I just wouldn’t have done otherwise.

2016-03-06 12.14.10

Morpeth to Bothal circular

I’ve met up with two lots of friends this week for coffee and it’s always lovely to catch up with people. I’ve been for another long walk today (8 miles this one!) with the walking group I joined. Very muddy but very enjoyable. I’ve planned and booked a week in Rome (with my son Richard) for the middle of April. I’d always wanted to go to Italy but somehow we never quite got round to that one. We’re both looking forward to that.

I’m playing my guitar everyday in the house but slow progress on expanding the repertoire but I’ll keep plodding on. I’ve tried out a few songs but they don’t quite ‘do it’ so I’ll just have to try some others. There’s loads of songs I like but just because you like a song doesn’t mean you can do proper justice to it.

I’ve a trip to Jedburgh planned for later in the month and then I’ll be heading down south again to stay with my son over Easter so plenty to do and plenty to look forward to.

The first guitar for sale is now up on eBay so fingers crossed.

Till next time…

Val

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